I have a problem. Well actually I have lots of problems, but that's besides the point. The problem that I am thinking about and dwelling on tonight is one that I have had for a long time. It's one that everyone knows that I have and they like to point it out to me from time to time. I can't say NO.
Well that's not entirely true. I can say it. I mean I know the word, I know the meaning and I even have a good idea of when I should use said word. BUT I don't. I don't know why this is the case. I just can't.
Sometimes when someone is asking something of me (and I really don't want to do it), I will stand there smiling at them and listening to everything they have to say. In my head I'm screaming....NO.....NO....just say it already, NO. And when they are done, my mouth opens, my logic and self preservation chant no but I spit out sure. Not just sure, sometimes it's alright, no problem, you bet, I can do that, I would love to help with that and the list goes on and on.
I often find myself wondering why it is that I have so many ways to say yes, yet can't get out no. Not even in it's simplest form. One word, two letters, so easy.
At the end of last school year I told a few of my friends that I was going to work on this issue. And I was. Honest. Scouts honour (never mind the fact I'm not a scout). I think it lasted all of two seconds, and that was the same time that I was trying to convince both them (my friends) and myself that I was going to truly try.
It didn't work. And I just got off the phone with a friend of mine that just reminded me that it didn't work. I was telling her about something else that I got roped into that I really didn't want to do and she said you were going to practice saying no. What happened?
I have a couple of theories as to what happened...1) I caved, 2) I was strong armed into agreeing (no one else was around to deny this fact), 3) It's not built into my DNA to say it. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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