Mini Us

     You two are so alike. You make that exact face. I just heard you say that very thing yesterday. She is so you. We are one in the same. I admit it. I can see me in her and her in me. I can see my husband in our son and I can hear my words come out of my oldest daughter's mouth on pretty much a daily bases. 

     My husband likes to tease me regularly that our youngest is the mini version of me. We have the same facial expressions, the same sense of humor, the same outlook on things and most of all as my husband would like to point out the same attitude. I am not sure how much of this is genetics vs nurture but it's there. And it's apparent. 

     My son is a smaller and quieter version of my husband. He likes to be left alone. He prefers solo activities over a group adventure and he's totally into technology. 

     Our oldest is a combination of both of us. She seems to have gotten a pretty fair mix. She's confident, smart, stubborn and sometimes a little sassy. She likes things her way and she likes to be in charge.

     I spend a lot of time with our children. I ran an in home daycare for two years so that I could work and be near them. I worked at the preschool that our youngest attended at the time so that I could be there for her. I sat on PAC for two years so that I would be close at hand at the school without just hanging around there in case something happened. So I see these things in our children. I hear them say what we say. I see them handle themselves as we probably handled ourselves when we were younger.

     I am for the most part very proud of them. They are happy, healthy and well adjusted children. Their teachers have nothing but good things to say about them- they are helpful, polite, considerate and a good friend to everyone. It makes me melt on the inside knowing that all my hard work and hands on time with them has paid off.

     However there is a little part of me that is sad for them. I have, without realizing it, molded them into some things that I am. Some things that maybe I don't 100% like about myself. Sometimes I am overly nice, to the point that I go without for the sake of someone else. I agree to things that I really want to say NO to. I smile and nod when I really want to tell people that they are dumb. I help people that I can't even really stand to be around. I am polite when there really is no need to be. I use to think this is because it's the proper thing to do. But really it gets you no where and I'm finding in the end most of the time people don't appreciate it. It's you that's left without. It's you that's left feeling used. And it's you that feels taken advantage of. 

     And I see this now happening to my kids. I see them be polite when someone else is being awful to them. I see them walk away when someone is treating them horrible, just to have that person follow them and continue to be mean. I see them give something of their's to someone else who has no appreciation for it. I see them upset but not say anything when they have agreed to something I know they really would rather not have. 

     So as proud as I am of them. I worry that I have maybe taught them to not take enough care of themselves. Or maybe that I have sent the message that their feelings aren't important. Or maybe that it's better to put other people first. I wonder if they sometimes feel the resentment that I feel towards other people when they have taken from them.  

     Don't get me wrong. I have oodles of wonderful people in my life. My bestest bud is amazing and gives as much as I do. My other closest bud is wonderful and I would like to be more like her. I have other woman in my life that have great qualities and I share in comfortable friendships with them. I am speaking more to just people around me. People you come across, deal with in school or public. You know people you know but aren't attached to in any way.

     My message has always been to the kids you don't have to like everyone but you have to treat everyone with respect. But I'm really beginning to think that not everyone deserves your respect just cuz.