"Wow the kids are getting so big" and "How old are they now?" These questions pop up every once in awhile. Like when new photos are posted on facebook for family to see or when we run into friends that we have not seen in a really long time. Yes I do suppose that they are growing. It was going to happen sooner or later.
I'm lucky. I get to stay home with my little people. I get to pick them up from school every day. I get to take them to the park on sunny afternoons and I'm home to cook for them every night. In short I spend a lot of time with them. They are never far from my sight. When playing at home, I like to be able to hear and/or see what they are up to when outside. They never venture far and if going away from the house they have to be in a group.
This summer Morgan is heading off to camp for the first time. She is super excited. I am super anxious. Not that she will be away from me. I'm worried something will go wrong, she will be unhappy, or maybe that she will realize she doesn't need me as much as I still need her to need me. In September our she will be going into grade 5. The following year she will have to take a bus to middle school. And some how I doubt that moms are welcome to ride along with them. Both of these instances indicate that she isn't a little kid anymore.
Today after school I went down to the park and my son stayed behind and played at the school. Without me. I know can you believe it? Never mind the fact that the park is RIGHT and I mean RIGHT beside the school and never mind that he was up there with another little boy. But still, I couldn't see or hear him. The other mom and I were so proud of ourselves for letting the boys take this small step towards independence and of us for not crumbling under the separation. Only to realize that another mom was up there watching them with her little girl and then walked them to the park to us. But let's remember we thought we were embracing them growing up and spreading their wings. It just turns out not so much.
Yes I admit I am a little overprotective. The kids may be a tad sheltered. They could probably do with some separation. I remember when Morgan started kindergarten. I went in for the initial meeting with the teacher and she told me how well adjusted Morgan was and that there was no separation issues. Then Tristan started preschool, and I got pretty much the same report from his teacher. And I said to her, "When Chasey starts school, she better cry like a baby". I thought I wasn't missed and that they liked being away from me. Well then Chasey did start preschool and she went to the same one as Tristan, with the same teacher and she had remembered what I had said.
Of course with Chasey there was no tears, well from her anyway. There was no separation anxiety, again on her half anyway. I met with the teacher and she pressed some wisdom upon me. She told me not to be sad about the lack of separation anxiety. She told me to be proud. I had raised 3 confident children that were secure and reassured in the fact that yes I was dropping them off somewhere, but I would be back to get them right on time every time. I had created a trusting bonding with them.
Well here it is several years later and teachers still say the same things about them. I guess they are still confident, secure children, that trust me to be where I am suppose to be, when I am suppose to be there. The only problem now is that I still want that place to be right there with them all the time. In my head I know I have to let go some, yet my heart has a death grip on the apron strings.
Maybe tomorrow I will walk 10 feet behind them to school instead of 5. Maybe, I said maybe. That would count right?
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