In the Beginning

     As some of you may or may not know, November, among other things is Diabetes Awareness month. So here's a hint, I'm about to talk about diabetes and all that it entails for our family and some people that are near and dear to us. So if it's not your cup of tea, move along, there's nothing to see here.
     We are nearing a day that is near and dear to our heart. Two years ago on October 30th, Chasey started to wear her medtronic insulin pump. We had been diagnosed just in March and our new endo (that we started seeing in June) thought Chasey would greatly benefit from a pump. And she was right. Our lives once again changed forever on the day that the pump came into our lives.
     But let me rewind. In the beginning, March of 2009, we were given some life changing news. Chasey was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. It was and probably forever will be one of the scariest days of my life. As a mom my heart broke and a little piece of me was forever changed on that day. Now which day exactly are you wondering. I don't recall the exact day. I know it was the last Saturday of the kid's March break and the weather was nice and we had visited family that day. But the number of the day, I don't know. And truthfully to me it doesn't matter. I could go back and look it but then that would mean it's something important and I don't want to give diabetes that kind of power.
      Those first few months were to say the least horrible. Some days were just dark. They were filled with tears and confusion and anger. It was constant change, with insulin and food. The schedule was rigid and not family friendly. The calls to the hospital were endless and some times just added to the confusion. We were lost. We were hurt. We were just struggling to make it through the day some times. And I learned that there are some very dark places that one can be pulled into when their life feels out of control.
     We started off on shots and with time the number of shots increased. The blood sugars weren't great. We started school and things just weren't going the way we thought they would. An injection had to be given at lunch and no one at school could do it so I was over to the school, forcing Chasey to take a needle so that she could eat with her friends.
     Then the heavens opened up and the angels sang and light poured down on us. It was our leap of faith and trust in our endo that propelled us into ordering an insulin pump. Now I'm not going to lie, it wasn't instantly better. It was hard in the beginning too. It was HARD. It was learning something new all over again. It's was carb counting everything. It was changing sites every three days. It was something new. But along with that came more freedom. No more injections. And Chasey learned pretty quickly how to operate the pump, maximizing her independence for her young age. Now I know the pump isn't for everyone and that's alright. Whatever works for your family is the best option. This was ours.
     When I reflect on those early days several things come to mind. Yes I was scared. Yes it was hard. But we made it through. We struck together and we pushed on and we made it. I remember the hurt and anger, but it's starting to dull. I remember the dark days and I will admit they still rear their ugly head. But they are fewer and farther between now. The other thing is we have built a support system around us, a wonderful medical team, amazing friends, a supportive diabetic community and a family that loves Chasey. It's not so lonely now.
     Some days are still hard. I still cry. I still mourn the lost of the perfectly health child Chasey once was. But it's okay. I got through them over two years ago and I will again and again and again. So as October 30th approaches and November quickly follows it, I will appreciate what we have been through, but mostly I will look to the future. In the beginning things were unbearable....now....not so much.